I want my papa. The little girl in me is throwing a tantrum. The adult voice says it can not happen. The spiritual voice says he is everywhere with me. Irrespective of all these voices, the pain, the heavy heart, the choking in the throat is still very much there. I miss you papa.

Happy Birthday Papa. I can feel you here with me and I can see you are not happy if I cry. You are happy when I am enjoying and happy. Just like always. You were so sensitive to everyone’s pain and would internalize others’ misery as your own. Always wanting to help and sympathize with those in pain. After all you are Vinod Kumar Puri sahab, The best man on this earth (and now in the other world).

In the same sentence that you would address yourself as the best man, you would also call yourself “poor man” in jest trying to justify any shortcoming. And then, when you would do something good or solve any problem or say anything wise, you would say “after all I was a section officer”. You would say this even when someone would not listen to you “section affsar siga, hun chaprasi ho gaya te ki pharak penda hai” or “section affsar siga, hun chaprasi ho gaya te hor gal hai” (I was after all a section officer, so what if now I have become a peon). I smile every time I think of this. Your “poor man” remark used to irritate me, more so since I was introduced to power of suggestion theory. But you wouldn’t be bothered by what people think. You would dismiss it saying “hun te jistran di aadat pai gayi hai, upar ja ke hi chute gi” (now a habit is formed it will go only when I die).

Your sense of humor was not missed by anyone who knew you or met you. Even during the toughest situations you had the ability to make it light by your humor. Even when someone would be scolding you or fighting with you (aka mummy or one of your children) you would keep distracting us by doing stuff like repeating after us. And then you would yourself say “maturity te aayi nahin“(I have no maturity) “pichon ayi yo gallan yaad karengi” (you will remember only these things after I go). From what I hear, and I can totally imagine you doing it, just a few minutes before your heart collapsed you were saying your trademark sentence of “hale te jawaan aan” (I am still young) while lifting your arm and showing your biceps. You had become extremely weak in the body, but your humor and spirit to enjoy and live every moment kept you going till the end.

You were surrounded by your family in your last conscious moments. A family that you cared deeply about. Including two of your favorite nephews Ashu and Vikas. All your nephews and nieces were very dear to you, as were your brothers, sisters, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, your friends. The love you had in your heart was there for everyone. Lipi, Mona, Banki, Ruchi, Tarun – you had a special relationship with each one, their spouses and even their children. As also Kapil, Nitu, Bobby, Baby didi, Sonu, Monu, Taruna and all your nephews and nieces from mummy’s side of the family – you would always ask about them and had a special place in your heart for each one. Not to miss the chole made by Nidhi (Bobby’s wife). You were surrounded by them all when you passed away.

I can’t even begin to tell how much you loved and cared for me and Sumit. You would have complains about us, just like you did for the rest of the family. Complain that would come out of only love for us. The only thing you wanted from us was a little time and attention. Something that you gave us in abundance. One sneeze from me would worry you and you would immediately bring out Ferrum Phos (homeopathic medicine) asking me to take it. I now do the same with my daughter. Ishita has grown up just taking homeopathic medicines for small ailments such as cold and cough or stomach issues. You would get up to give me water, or tea or anything I needed even if you were yourself not feeling well. You would not hesitate for a moment to go to the market, sometimes even in peak summer heat, to bring me something that I needed. Time of the day or season did not matter to fulfill your children’s needs. Many a time getting a scolding from mummy or you scolding mummy to give something to us. In spite of limited income of a government servant you did not deny us anything. You ensured we had more than what we needed. You gave us good education, let us stand on our feet, let us do what we wanted to in life. Never imposing your desires or ambitions on us.

Your love for mummy was epic. You used to get irritated and upset with her the most too, as did she with you, but you both loved each other so much. A very different definition of love was exposed to me in the way you both took care of each other. In spite of your respective ailments you were always there for each other. I saw how worried you were when mummy was going through her cancer treatment. I saw you suffering, crying in mummy’s pain. If not for our insistence, you would have stayed every night in the hospital with her. In spite of this you stayed solid for us. I could go through it all mainly because of your presence.

Your grandchildren were your lifeline in the last few years. You would be the happiest when you were on Facetime via the iPad with us all specially Ishita, Shayan and Nishka. Every time we did Facetime, you would say this is the best thing you have given me (iPad). I can see you all. It feels like you are right here. Your face would brighten up on seeing the little ones. You would be so scared to pick up Ishita when she was just born, as you were afraid you would drop her. But you overcame all your fears and held her and helped in taking care of her in the initial days. Ishita was specially close to you. She still says “nanu is so funny”. You were like a kid yourself, which is what endeared you to them even more.

You were the most simple man I have ever known. Never craving for anything fancy -a most minimalistic person. In fact, we all had to fight to buy you a new shirt or pair of pants or shoes. You only kept what you needed. Nothing extra. Sumit has got your minimalistic trait. I am the opposite. 🙂 And you would say “putto paise” (waste money) every time I would buy anything, specially clothes. Even Ishita started to have fun with this and would deliberately come and tell you and mummy about what I bought on our various shopping sprees just to hear you say “putto paise” and to hear mummy scolding me. The funny thing was that when mummy would scold me for spending money, you would stop her and fight with her telling her to let it be.

Small things would make you happy. Chole, puri, samosa, kachori, kulcha, any outside food was your weakness. And of course tea! You were such a connoisseur of tea – every cup had to be perfect. You continued to enjoy till the very end. Apart from food, music was the other thing. The only thing you used your laptop was to listen to bhajans or old Bollywood songs on youtube. A transistor/radio was always close at hand for you to turn it on. How hard you tried to keep your old tape player working, finally had to give it up. This was replaced by the laptop, until we got the little Saregama device.

You were simple not only in your material possessions, but also in your behavior. Straightforward to a fault, you would not hide your thoughts or feelings from even strangers. Most the times you would say it straight, sometimes with wit and humor. You were absolutely “what you see is what you get”. There was no “other side” to you. You were totally transparent. When I was reading VS Naipaul’s House for Mr Biswas in college, I would all the time imagine you as him.

You were also the most intelligent and handsome person I knew. I guess for every daughter her dad is the most intelligent and handsome one. But truly your common sense would be so admirable. With your brain getting weaker you would get frustrated with certain things, but then that is bound to happen to someone who is very intelligent. You would get frustrated with technology, computer etc., but never gave up on it. You continued to use them and did your best to master them too. In fact, it was your final trip to get your computer fixed that turned out to be the final blow on your weak body. Your determination that sometimes bordered on being stubborn was admirable as well as a source of irritation for us. However, it was your determination only that got you through everything, every situation in life.

Good food was such a big joy in your life that it certainly deserves more talking about. You loved going out to eat or ordering in. You were so frustrated when you found out that in Gurgaon most places would send food only if you would order online. This would anger you no end. But with your determination, you found out about places that would take orders on the phone. That’s the first thing you asked your doctor too – recommendation for a place that would take order on the phone!

Ultimately, the last one year or so of your life that you spent in Gurgaon, you thoroughly enjoyed. Of course, there were moments of frustration due to the travails of any big change. The logistic issues such as changing the address in every record, every bank account, adhar card etc. were very exhausting for you, however, again with your determination, you managed to get everything fixed.

It was hard to see you lie on the hospital bed unconscious with all those pipes around you. But at least got to see you. Your last words to me when I spoke to you on the phone, were almost like you knew they would be the last words. You gave your blessings to all of us. You said “saans nahin aa raha” (I can’t breathe). I was asking you to rest, but you said “How is Ishita? Khush raho sab. (Stay Happy).”

Love you Papa.

A few days back I went to our local city council’s weekly meeting. I have been in this country for over 20 years, 18 of which I have lived in Fremont, CA, and this was the first time I attended the meeting! This meeting is open to public and provides a forum for citizens to speak out their concerns, issues etc. Plus, we get to see what business is being conducted by our local government.

It is a shame that I did not attend it earlier. And I must commend those who took the time and effort of going there to speak out. The burning issue amongst the citizens here is their safety. A few armed burglaries and gun shootings has made the people very insecure and are demanding action by the authorities. Then there was a brief speech by the friends of a high schooler who lost his life in a traffic accident very close to his school. They were urging the authorities to make the roads around there more safe etc. In spite of their grief, they wanted to ensure that no more such tragedies take place.

Just this one time attendance of mine made me ask a number of questions to myself. Why don’t we attend these meetings? Why don’t we engage our civil officials, elected officials, etc.? Does our duty end with merely casting our vote? Even that (casting vote) we don’t do. How many of us go to vote unless the Presidential Elections are taking place? And if by chance we do go and vote, afterwards we just sit back, patting ourselves on the back that we voted!

What after that? Shouldn’t we see what those who we elected are doing? Note merely as a watchdog but also to see if they need any help in fulfilling the promises they made in their election campaigns.

I believe a strong progressive society can be achieved only if the government and its citizens from all walks of life work hand in hand to take the community forward. If we want to see meaningful changes that benefit a large section of the society, then everyone needs to do their bit and not merely depend on the elected officials. Complacency on the part of common citizens leads to local issues such as increased traffic, overflowing schools, lack of infrastructure development to match the residential developments and so on, and at a national level issues of lack of gun control laws!

How has this country stayed so insensitive to gun violence that we are not able to do anything to eradicate the root of the problem? – Something to contemplate, perhaps in the next blog post!

I met Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar last week in Delhi. (It is so difficult to address him so formally. There is absolutely no formality between a devotee and the divine, when heart talks to heart there is no need for formality. The Guru Disciple relationship is indeed the most precious of all relationships, especially because of those moments when you feel so utterly loved, cared for, there is almost no distance between the two of you. However, for our purposes here we will keep up with the norms.)

After meeting him an old favorite song popped in my head – You are the Wind Beneath my Wings. So appropriate, because that’s exactly how I felt – as if I had suddenly discovered my wings and would fly away. Without any fear, without any worry in the world, without worrying about falling; I had a permanent safety net beneath me. It was so good to reconnect with this feeling. I am so lucky to have found a true Guru.
You give me Freedom
– To think
– To wander
– To feel
– To fall
– To be a brat
– To be useful
– To teach
– To love
– To express
– To impress
– To move ahead
– To let go
– To explore
– To be me
– To be FREE
Residing in my heart, loving hand on my head, arms around me, you become one with me.

Dear Mr Hirani,
Congratulations on making another excellent movie and continuing your tradition of putting across a very deep point for our society. I simply loved watching PK, just as I have loved watching all your other movies. I laughed and laughed and laughed as I watched the alien PK trying to understand the different nuances of our customs, traditions, religion, faith etc. It is certainly funny to watch it from another’s perspective.

Even my 8 year old daughter, who has grown up in US and has not really been exposed to all our culture, was laughing away. She enjoyed the movie thoroughly just like she had enjoyed 3 Idiots – another one of your extremely well directed movies with a very relevant message.

I truly do not want you to stop here. Please continue making such movies. Can I suggest the subjects for your next ventures? It would be great to see such a satire on the Indian Christian culture – how the missionaries are making fools out of innocent Indians and making them give up their roots, the totally “behind the veil” sexual (mis)conduct of the so called Fathers or priests, and so on.

How about a satire on the Indian Muslim culture, after all it is the second largest followed religion in India. It would be really funny to watch how the culture of “fear” and “brain washing” and “blind following” exists in that culture. I am sure both these will make a very funny subject.

I am sure these communities are as largehearted as the Hindus and will surely laugh along.

There are flaws in every society, every culture, every religion. The strength of a society, culture and human being lies in their capacity to see these flaws, laugh at them, and perhaps see how they can be improved upon. By laughing at the flaws in my culture, traditions etc does not make me any less “Hindu” or “Indian”.

Having said that, I would like to point out that the Indian society is not made up of just one culture. A number of cultures, religions exist there. Hence, Mr Hirani, I would sincerely request that you take the lead to expose the flaws in the other cultures too. Make them the prime subject of your movie and not just make a passing reference to them, while totally degrading the culture which belongs to the majority of Indian population. In doing so you are not only down playing the faith of a majority of Indians in India and abroad, but also making them feel almost ashamed of their roots.

For any community to survive and thrive, the first step is to feel proud of their identity. They should not be made to feel like rejecting their roots. I agree that we need to face reality, which is why I already mentioned that I truly appreciate your efforts. However, we need to see that there are flaws in other cultures too, that will give us the “assurance” that it is a collective problem and not something that exists only in one religion or culture. We don’t have to reject one and embrace another because of some flaws – we have to be able to see the flaws in the other too.

Bollywood has seriously been lacking in doing this. In fact, it only makes heroes out of the other cultures.

I truly hope you can take lead on this and give us something different to chew on. Only you can make a serious subject digestible with such wonderful easy going comedy.

Your fan,

Sanjana

” My Guru Dakshina (an offering made to the teacher as a show of gratitude) is that you continue doing the sudarshan kriya at home for at least 40 days without a break,” said Neha. Four days were already over. Back in those days, the course was still taught over six days with first Sudarshan Kriya taking place on the third day.

My first kriya experience had made sure I didn’t need much motivation to continue the practice. And continue I did! I surprised myself by the way I was committed to do my home practice. I happened to travel out of the country a couple of months after finishing the course. That did not deter me as I continued doing it even in hotel rooms.

After traveling through Singapore, attended a conference there, I reached Delhi for two more conferences. The events went off well. By the time I was done with them and was ready to go to my parents’ home, it was end of April – peak of the worst season for my allergies. All my life this was the time when I had to be bed ridden, struggling for breath, barely managing to get through the one month of torture. This was the one thing I was most glad to have escaped from when I moved to the United States. I would rather be anywhere in the world except for Delhi at this time of the year. But here I was…

As soon as I reached home, allergies began to kick in and in no time I was on nebulizer, inhalers and what not. Pretty much on the bed through out. Nothing seemed to be different.

Except for one thing, my spirit was not affected. I was not depressed. While from outside, everything seemed the same, I felt very different from inside. My sickness was not affecting my energy! I would still be able to get out of bed and do all my little things at home without becoming breathless. I was up and running within a week.

For someone who had suffered immensely due to this “season” in Delhi, this was totally mind-blowing. 🙂

What brought about this miracIe? There was only one thing that I was doing different. I was doing sudarshan kriya. Breathing was difficult, but I continued the practice.

Then I knew, Sudarshan Kriya WORKS!

Don’t you think that the sound of violence has been too loud for too long? Don’t you think its time for the sound of peace to now become louder than ever?

How many more innocent lives will it take for us to realize that peace is not something that some government agency or a few government officials or school administration or other organizations can provide? Peace starts with me. We as individuals have to rise up and start making a difference – first within us and then outside us, in our immediate environment, and gradually expand to larger communities.

The thought had been on my mind for a while, actually ever since I started hearing stories of domestic violence and burglaries in my neighborhood. A neighborhood that I thought was quite peaceful and had only good educated middle class people. And when my husband was traveling I realized how stressed I was about mine and my child’s safety. I had sleepless nights leading to more and more stress. Had I not had a way of controlling this stress, it could have manifested in anything, from some major illness to perhaps acts of violence on my part too (towards some member of my family or neighborhood, irrational reaction to some situation causing irreparable damage to some relationship or something worse).

Thankfully I have a breathing technique and a meditation technique that I practice, which keeps me sane. But, what about all those who don’t have anything to fall back on? Hence, when I saw that the non-profit organization Art of Living Foundation has launched a campaign for Stress-Free, Violence-Free Community, I jumped up and joined it. By being part of the campaign we get to not only start taking a step towards making ourselves and our community peaceful, but we also get a chance to stand shoulder to shoulder with thousands of others who feel the same way – that its high time the voice of peace became louder!

We can start with just getting to know our neighbors. Do we really know who lives next door to us, or down the street? Perhaps they are going through similar stresses as you and need help. Or they have another way of dealing with stress that may help you. In any case, just knowing your neighbors will help you look out for each other. Wouldn’t that automatically create a more stress-free and violence-free neighborhood?

We will all come together on March 24 at San Jose Convention Center to reiterate our commitment to a Stress-Free and Violence-Free Community, and we will be joined by many other organizations, government representatives, city officials, non-profit organizations and humanitarian Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. A coalition of all the like-minded organizations and city governments will be launched and the campaign will go into its next phase of taking positive action through this coalition.

Anyone is welcome to join the campaign at www.stressfreeviolencefree.org. The road to peace begins with me.